So despite yesterday's emo-style entry, the world didn't crumble around me and I didn't die under the weight of all my insecurities. I was in the midst of working on a project that I'm going to share with you today, and my fears took over and manifested themselves as negativity towards all aspects of my life. Winter break is so long, and I often lose perspective when I have so much free time. During the school year when I'm busy, I don't get as much time to think about how nervous I am about putting myself out there. I mean...I do think about it, but I don't spend like ALL DAY thinking about it. So I'm pushing back negative thoughts, and moving forward.
Anyways, onto the new project!
MY SISTER AND I STARTED A BEAUTY VLOG!
We've been talking about doing this for like...months, and it's something we're both really excited about. We finally just bit the bullet and did it!!
I've been really nervous about starting this channel for a whole variety of reasons. First of all, I'm always cautious about what I put out via social media due to the profession I have chosen to pursue. Being a teacher is tough, because you have to filter how much of your personal life you share, and as technology and social media develop, it gets harder and harder to maintain that filter. You could easily google my name and find this blog, and as this channel grows, there will be more and more stuff of me on the internet that I don't necessarily want to share with the (hypothetical) students that I'm trying to teach music to (hopefully). How does this affect my ability to represent myself as an authority figure? Can I expect this to affect my chances with gaining employment? I just like to be extra cautious, especially because everyone I've ever talked to in the education world likes to remind me how important it is to be professional in the classroom and on the internet.
I've also been really nervous about what other people would think of me for doing this channel, and treating myself as an authority towards all things beauty related. Which I am not. On one side of this fear, there are people out there that are frequently more put together than me and/or know more about makeup than I do. Are they judging me, or waiting for me to mess up? On the other side, I know there are people out there that probably think that this is a stupid topic to contribute to. Will they start to think that I'm superficial and vain?
NOT TO MENTION the fact that I'm so scared that this channel just won't take off, and I'll be creating all this content and putting in all of this hard work for approximately four viewers. That is probably my biggest fear, and it extends to this blog and all other aspects of my life. What is the point of creating content, and writing blog posts, and singing songs, if no one is there to consume them?
I've spent enough time with these fears and insecurities to know that the solution is to do these things for me, to make myself happy. And I really am a firm believer that in order to make others happy you have to be happy yourself. So I'm going to keep posting, and keep vlogging, and keep doing whatever else I'm doing. Even if none of this is ever seen, I know I'll feel really good about the fact that I wanted to do something, and I did it. That's really hard! A lot of people stop at the wanting part, but I managed to take it to the doing part. And I'm proud of myself. So yeah, maybe beauty vlogs aren't for everyone, and maybe these entries are only read by like six people. But I wanted to do them, and I did them, and I'm a better person for it.
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