Blog Every Day in January Day 23: Should I Get a Haircut?

I'm getting seriously desperate for blog topics these days...can you tell?

Anyways, I've been thinking about this for the past like...month. Well, not like nonstop or anything, but I've been toying with the idea of cutting my hair before student teaching starts to make it more manageable. Here's what my hot mess hair looks like right now:

It looks like I'm contorting my body
but I swear its just the way the photo is cropped

Raggedy, frizzy, and...kind of giant. Especially when I let it air dry. The length has gotten a little out of control for me...but I've been enjoying having longer hair. I feel like there are more styling options and I can kind of do whatever I want to do to it without worrying if it's too short.

The only problem is that whatever I do with it, it's going to take a long time with the length of hair I have and the amount. I just don't have the kind of hair that dries neatly and looks tidy without any effort. In fact...when I do put effort into making my hair look neat and tidy, it usually ends up looking puffy and raggedy by the end of the day.

This is what I was thinking of in terms of length:

This is a style I've obviously had before (...that is me...with my hair) and it's not too drastic in the amount of length taken off. It doesn't take a crazy amount of time to straighten this length of hair, and it requires less time washing and less product. Plus I think it's a flattering length on me. I had always figured I would eventually go for this length as my permanent adulthood hairstyle...just because it's not trying to be trendy, and it's not so fussy in its' length. And before you roll your eyes, YES I think about what my permanent adulthood hairstyle will be, didn't you read my post about how I overplan???

Anyways the main thing I'm worried about getting my hair cut is the cost $$$. I am a little on the broke side at the moment...and I know that a haircut from the place that I like will cost me somewhere around sixty dollars. And okay, yes, I should probably just suck it up and go somewhere more affordable because they will probably do just as good of a job. But I don't want to do that. I'm a little high maintenance. THERE, I SAID IT. Plus, I'm pretty pleased with the way long hair looks on me at the moment. I'm maybe not thrilled about the way my long hair likes to style itself--if you can call "seizing up into a frizzy orb around my head" styling--but it took me a pretty long time to grow it out like this. I'm a little attached.

So I don't know, the jury is still out. I might decide to get it cut halfway through student teaching...or maybe not at all. Basically I spent an entire entry trying to make a decision but reaching no conclusion. Thanks for tuning in, join me tomorrow for another riveting text post about things that are not very interesting!

Blog Every Day in January Day 21: Still Preparing

I've been stuck inside this house all day from the snow, and I tend to stay primarily in just my bedroom when my parents are home...because I am still sixteen years old, apparently. Nonetheless, I have MAJOR cabin fever right now, which is only worsening my anxiety over my quickly approaching start date for student teaching.

It's not that I'm dreading student teaching, I'm actually looking forward to it a lot...but the anticipation of doing something that I've never done before has been basically the only thing I can think about since....well since the end of last semester. It's easy to try and over-plan and over-anticipate things like that, and I know that when I actually start I'll be hit with things that I somehow didn't manage to think about and will feel super unprepared for. I did the same thing to myself right before I started my freshman year of college, and I would find myself unable to sleep on nights before the first day of school every year of like my entire life just trying to imagine how everything will go. My go-to answer during interviews when they ask the question "what is your biggest flaw" is usually "I over-prepare", because a) it's a sneaky way of complimenting myself when I'm supposed to be criticizing myself but b.) because I've actually had to learn how to anticipate my plans going awry and just go with the flow despite the urge to stick with my already-failed-plan-of-action.

That being said, I know that there are little things that I can do to mentally prepare myself for the physical process of going to school. In the next couple of weeks I would really like to:

-Get my sleeping schedule to a realistic place. Lately, I've been going to bed later and later every night and waking up later and later every day. Considering the fact that I'm going to have to leave my apartment by 6:30 in the morning, and my morning routine is like an hour long, I know I need to at least have a realistic bed time. Eight hours of sleep a night is maybe a little ambitious, but six should be reasonable if I can get it together.

-CLEAN MY FREAKING ROOM. And everything that surrounds that chore. I have like a three page long list of things I need to organize within my hot mess of a room at school, and I could also afford to do some extra tidying and dusting in the room I currently live in. I was planning on spending all of Thursday at school just binge-cleaning, but it is still too soon to see if the snow has de-railed those plans. Fingers crossed I can get it done!

-Record some extra videos for Sisters, Not Twins, which I talked about doing yesterday. I've been thoroughly enjoying doing this channel, and it's important to me that I keep it up, but I also know that school comes first and when I get into survival mode everything but schoolwork falls to the wayside (which always happens--hence my month-long breaks from blogging). I don't want this channel to die a slow death, like this blog almost did, especially since it's not just my channel.

-Get in contact with some of the people who have student taught at my placements in the past. There are endless advantages to doing this, I just need to suck it up and get it done. I don't know why I get so much anxiety over writing messages/emails, but I really need to get over it because I'm just wasting time.

-ORGANIZE ORGANIZE ORGANIZE. Schedules and lists are going to be my best friends over the next couple of weeks. If I don't end up driving down to Delaware tomorrow, I might just end up having a list making session.


There's so much that I feel I need to do before student teaching, but I know it's going to be a really useful experience for me. I say this to my friends all the time, but I'm just excited to suck at teaching as soon as possible. Because I know for a FACT that I'm going to be at my worst for the first couple of years--teaching is one of those things that you keep getting better at the more you do it. I just want to get in the classroom and start doing things, instead of sitting here trying to imagine what it will be like.

Blog Every Day in January Day 20: Getting Ready for Student Teaching

We're twenty days into January and I can't believe that I've been derping around writing posts about candles and pizza cats, when I haven't written a single post about the thing I've been thinking about the most: student teaching.

I feel like I've spent the past month preparing for student teaching by...well...by shopping. Getting the clothes I need, the bag I need, the lunch boxes I need. All the things that yes, I do need, but honestly don't matter as much as the stuff that I've been putting off. I've spent the month feeling really scatterbrained in disorganized, and fully avoiding getting things together. It's not that I don't want to think about that stuff, it's just that I haven't really had an outlet to talk about it, and for me part of the process of getting myself into the right mindset for something new is to talk through it with as many people as possible. I've done a lot of explaining to people, and telling them about my placements and what I have to do, but I haven't had a lot of chances to talk to people about the things I'm genuinely nervous about and genuinely excited for.

Fortunately, there are people in my life that are there to ask me real questions about how I'm feeling, and offer advice or let me know that they are feeling the same. I had coffee with my friend Maggie the other day (she starts student teaching tomorrow!!) and talking to her about it was a really great reminder of what I'm about to do--especially because being at home away from school is an easy way for me to disconnect from responsibility, and she kind of brought me back to reality just by being there to talk about her own journey. I've also been preparing some videos for Sisters, Not Twins ahead of time to lighten the load while I student teach, and talking to Melissa about the videos led to the conversation of how worried I was about the workload. She and our friend Lindsay (who has been through student teaching herself) helped me talk through how I'm going to stay on top of my work, and gave me some good advice on keeping up with my portfolio and reminding me to focus on what I will gain from the experience.

So despite all of my anxiety, I've had a lot of support right underneath my nose that I was just not looking towards. My friends at school who are actually about to go through the exact same thing as me are people I've always looked to for advice and support, but there are also friends and family at home who are willing to listen and share. 

Okay, I think this train of thought is going to take more than one entry to cover, so I'm going to end it here and say that tomorrow I will be posting something of a to-do list for myself. I also want to like...actually talk about what I'm excited for and nervous about.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BACK TO SCHOOL: Anxiety Edition

So I am back at school, and things in my life are CERTAINLY more interesting in the past few days than they were at home. The semester hasn't officially started yet, but I'm already so so so busy. My friend, Aimee, and I had this idea to hold an event for all of the groups in the music department to socialize and recruit. It quickly turned into a larger-scale event than we originally anticipated, which is awesome, but also pretty stressful. At this point we've done most of the prep work, planning, and publicity, and all that's left is the setup...so I'm not necessarily anxious about that.  But...I'm super skeptical about the activity that I decided to provide for the ACDA table.

While we were in the process of planning, someone mentioned the idea of a dunk tank...and I really liked it, but we couldn't find a company with the right liability insurance to rent from. So I decided to set up a makeshift dunk tank station (name still pending), and I'm going to stand in a kiddie pool while people throw wet sponges at me.

.......it's pretty college.

I originally thought this would be hilarious and super fun, but now I'm starting to second guess myself. I keep having these fantasies of people walking right past the thing and looking at me like I'm a crazy person, or people openly telling me how lame the idea was, or people pelting sponges at me while I cry in the fetal position. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

I asked some professors if they would be interested in participating...but so far I have been met with the sound of crickets, and I DON'T BLAME THEM. There's no way to make "PLEASE GET HIT WITH WET SPONGES!" sound fun or glamourous. I'm worried that I should have gone for water balloons, but I didn't want to deal with the intense setup or the litter that water balloons create. I'm also worried that people will somehow think of me as the FAKE DUNK TANK LOSER GIRL for the rest of the year.

I know the feeling, kitty,

As stressed out as I am, I'm actually really excited about this event! I think we've done a really good job with the planning, especially considering all of the restrictions that come with hosting an event on campus. Hopefully everyone will appreciate all of the work we put in!

Blog Every Day in July: Day 5, Uncertainty Ahead

Technically it is still Friday on the West Coast!!  THIS IS MY BLOG POST FOR JULY 5TH.  IT STILL COUNTS!!

So I am just about halfway through my summer, and time seems to be moving at rapid pace.  Honestly...I'm not complaining.  When I was a kid, I used to think summer went on for-ev-er.  The older I get, the more things I find to fill the day with, and I don't mind.  Isn't that the reason why we try to get out and try new things and spend time with friends?  At the root of everything we do...we're really just trying to pass the time we have here.

Okay, that sounds a lot more depressing than what I mean.  Let me try this again.


Since going off to college, I've been afraid of wasting my summers.  Every year when finals start to ease up and everyone starts talking about their summer plans, I get a little insecure because...I never used to have summer plans.  At least not until college.  I'm lucky enough to have a job working for the girl scouts for four days a week, but it's only a month-long job.  Everyone I talk to seems to be doing internships, working as camp counselors, or doing summer research.  Or even just working at part time jobs to earn some extra cash.  I just feel really...unambitious.  And kind of lazy.

That's the thing, though.  I feel lazy in the sense that I'm not accomplishing anything tangible (cash, research, useful experience), but every day I go to bed exhausted from whatever I spent the day doing.  Because I'm not spending the day just sitting around and watching TV like I used to when I was a kid.  I'm remodeling my room, teaching arts and crafts four days a week, hanging out with friends that I never get to see, trying new restaurants around the area, spending time with family, and tons of things that I think are really really important.  I really wanted to be home this summer for the full summer, because it's been a while since I've had the chance to do that.  I want to hang out with my friends from home, and spend time with my family, because I'm really scared that I won't have the opportunity after I graduate.

I'm about to be a senior in college, and that is terrifying to me.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm any less prepared than anyone else...but prepared or not, there's this huge chapter of my life that's about to end, and I have no idea how the next chapter is going to start.  When I think about life after graduation, I visualize myself driving on a road and all of a sudden I'm driving into a white backdrop...and when I try to fill that space with pictures, it's different every time.  For the first time every, I can't predict where I will be a year from now.  I have a pretty good idea of what I want to be doing...and a couple of ideas of where I want to be, but everything else is one big TBD.  I might not have any control over the specific details of my what and where.  I might even have to sacrifice one for the other.  There is so much that I don't know about the future, and it's just plain scary.

Except...I can't stop thinking about it.  And I don't want to stop thinking about it.  Because I'm excited.  So far, I really love what I think I'm about to do after college (as in teaching music).  I've had rough patches in my studies, and I've definitely had my insecurities about myself as a musician and a teacher.  But I've been determined, and I've worked really hard.  Part of me is positive that I'm going to be the worst teacher ever and that my first few years of teaching are going to be horrible.  Another part of me doesn't care, because everything gets easier after time goes by...and if I have to wait a couple of years to be really good at doing something I love, then it's worth it.  Even though I can't get a clear picture of what lies ahead, I still get this feeling of excitement.

It's kind of like getting in line for a roller coaster.  First you decide what ride you want to go on...and you get excited because that's the point...it's supposed to be exciting.  Then you get in line and you wait and wait and wait (....the first three years of college), and all of a sudden you're on the ride and the car is slowly working it's way up to that first drop and the anticipation makes you so anxious that you're starting to wonder if maybe this was a bad idea (ALL OF SENIOR YEAR), and then suddenly you're flying.  Who knows, when you get off you might throw up or have some serious whiplash.  Or you might be pumped up with adrenaline and ready to go again.  But you won't know until you get in line and go on the ride.

One of the things that always makes the wait in line seem shorter is by surrounding yourself with friends, and people whose company you enjoy.  Summer may be moving quickly, but at least I'm enjoying every moment of it.