September in October: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Last month I wrote some posts about my health and fitness goals and my struggles with losing weight, and it has been about a month and a half since I've checked in with those. I've had a really good month and a half on the bandwagon, and I've been working really hard to stay on it!

I've lost 12 pounds in the past 7 weeks, which I'm really proud of! I haven't had any weeks where I've gained a pound or two yet, and I think that I might have set a record for myself. In the past, I would take two steps forward and one step backward and the progress would be made, but at snails pace. And if I'm being honest with myself, it's because I wasn't really committing to the idea of being healthy. I mean, I wouldn't say that I'm like Miss Health and Fitness right now or anything, but I'm starting to feel like I'm less of a lump than I was in the past. I actually pay attention to the amount of food that I'm putting in my body, and I'm making a conscious effort to be more active in everyday life. For me, the choices I was making were the things that needed the most repair.

So what makes this time any different from all those other times I've tried and failed? Why do I feel so strongly that I will finally get it right this time?? I think that this time around I'm actually being honest. Not just with my nutritionist, but with myself. I started this journey out under my mom's control. She was the one tracking all of my calories, and restricting my diet, and telling me what I could or could not eat. So I would sneak extra snacks and meals, and I would justify it by saying that I was sick of my mom controlling me. When college came around, I had to be the one responsible for tracking and meal planning, but I hadn't given up the old mindset. So essentially, I was cheating on my diet and lying to myself.

This time around, I'm being honest. I'm tracking everything even when I have a bad day, and I'm using that tool as an opportunity for reflection. The "all or nothing" mindset that came with stuffing my face before my mom came home is slowly going away, and I'm starting to pace myself and plan ahead so that I get to have everything I want without going overboard. And I think it's starting to show! I'm not really worried about losing weight rapidly, or meeting a certain deadline. Right now I'm just focusing on what I can do week to week, how I can reach my goals realistically, and how I can maintain this for life. Because like my nutritionist said, this isn't a diet. This is my health, and the way that I am going to sustain my lifestyle in the long term. There will be good days and bad days, and sometimes the scale won't give me numbers that I want. But ultimately I'm learning how to live with food without going crazy, and that's one of the most valuable things I've gained in the past month and a half and will continue to foster.

September in October: Getting Creative with Healthy Eating

So in the past month I've gotten a lot more serious about eating healthier and losing weight and all that good stuff, and I will be writing an update about that soon. But one of the things that I've really been focusing on in order to keep myself excited is trying out new recipes. I've been doing a lot of experimenting with pins, and also improvising out of my own fridge. I figured I'd share some of the things I've made in the past month (...these are all taken from instagram).

Standard tomato soup and grilled cheese, but I added some fresh basil and parmesan to the soup to get some more flavor. Not too impressive, and it's not something I would have considered to be "healthy"...but if you get a little crafty, it's really not bad for you at all (310 calories if we're talking specifics). Plus the meal itself is super filling! And I enjoyed the HECK out of it. HECK.

You may remember this recipe that I posted when it was actually September. Well..this counts. So I'm putting it in! You can find out what I did in this post. SO GOOD.

One of my improvised recipes: Buffalo chicken pizza! Omg I literally died over this pizza. I used a whole wheat Boboli brand pizza crust, shredded up some chicken breast with buffalo sauce and laid that on top of the crust, and then covered that with low fat blue cheese crumbles and part skim mozzarella. I cooked it according to the pizza crust package instructions, which worked out pretty well. I also drizzled on some low-fat ranch to cool down some of the spice. It was a big hit among my friends, and I'm pretty excited to try it again!

Yet another improvised recipe: Dumpling squash soup and baked cornflake chicken tenders. I bought this cute little dumpling squash on sale when I went apple picking with my friends, and I decided to make it into soup. It was very simple. I halved the squash and oven roasted it until tender, then scooped out the meat into a blender with some skim milk and pureed it until it was a smooth and creamy soup. Then I put it back into a pot and added some salt, pepper, and nutmeg. It was a little bit stuck between savory and sweet, so I might try to go more towards an extreme the next time I make it, but it was super delicious!

To make the chicken tenders, I mixed together a tablespoon of dijon mustard and a tablespoon of honey, then dipped the raw chicken breast pieces in it (instead of dredging in egg and flour) before dipping it into some crushed up corn flakes. I baked them in the oven for about 20 minutes (at 350? I don't even remember) and I flipped them halfway through. So crunchy!!

I had leftover ricotta from making baked ziti for a potluck, so I used it to make these ricotta and spinach stuffed portobello mushrooms from a recipe I found on Pinterest. These made my entire apartment smell amazing, and they tasted DE LI CIOUS. Plus, they were so low-cal that I didn't feel guilty about eating a side of pasta.

This one was actually 1.) not healthy and 2.) a failure, but I figured I would put it here anyways. I made this supposedly fool-proof bread recipe, and wound up with sad, flat, beige bread that only tasted good on the first day. I've been desperately trying to get good at making bread, but this recipe was just a no-go for me. In fact, I was so disappointed that I'm not even going to POST the recipe. SORRY THAT I AM NOT SORRY. Anyways, I tweaked the bread recipe by adding some rosemary to the dough, because I was making it to go with my roommate Nicole's delicious beef stew that has a ton of rosemary in it.

I don't think I ever talk about how much I love beef stew. I'm obsessed. The ratio of times when I am craving beef stew versus the number of times that it is socially appropriate to eat beef stew is seriously skewed. I want to try every beef stew recipe that exists. Nicole's is great because it uses squash (or sweet potatoes!) and vegetable broth, so it's a lighter spin. Plus I'm obsessed with all the rosemary and thyme and parsley that goes into it. HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I LOVE BEEF STEW??

...sorry. Anyways, I made this bread to go with the stew and it wound up being delicious straight out of the oven, but way too dense after it cooled down. It was a no-knead bread, but I think it probably could have used more kneading. And proofing. And...time. Basically, it was just a dud recipe. Also, I tried to make another recipe that following weekend (I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS OF BREAD) which rose more, but was BLAND AS HELL. Seriously. I didn't know that bread and hot water could have the same flavor, but they did. It was HORRIBLE. Just HORRIBLE. I've decided to stop trying no-knead recipes and just put off all bread baking until I am back in a place that has a stand mixer with a dough hook, because no-knead means NO GOOD. #breadrage

The last recipe I want to talk about (...mainly to redeem myself for the horrible bread rant) is my current breakfast obsession, the breakfast burrito. I found these 80 calorie tortillas, and I've just been going nuts with them. I scramble up one egg with a chopped up colby cheese stick (Sargento makes low fat ones!) and then plop it onto the burrito with some salsa and plain greek yogurt (because my stomach can no longer handle sour cream in the morning..sad times). It's one of my favorite ways to start the day.

Part of my struggle with weight loss has always been that I'm basically obsessed with food. It's really easy to associate healthy eating with like...misery. But it definitely doesn't have to be that way. Getting creative with healthy recipes makes me really excited, and it gives me an outlet to express my love of food. I've got lots of recipes pinned, and tons more ideas to come so look out for those in the future!

Zucchini Lasagna

This summer, one of my mom's coworkers gave her a giant zucchini from her garden, and my mom had no idea what to do with it. We had SO MUCH zucchini, and my mom tried out so many zucchini recipes. One of my favorites that she made was this zucchini lasagna, which used zucchini slices in place of the pasta, and I was so in love with it that I called my mom up and asked her for the recipe.

This recipe is a modification of what she gave me, but most of it is pretty similar. It was surprisingly simple! I've never made lasagna, but I'm definitely less afraid of it now!

Here is (some of) the cast of characters:

In this picture I've got 1 zucchini (although I really should have had 2...), onions, celery, garlic, tomato sauce, tomato paste, fat free ricotta, part skim mozzarella, and 93% lean ground turkey. Not pictured: fresh baby spinach, dried oregano, fresh basil, salt, pepper, olive oil, and parmesan cheese.

The thing I love about this recipe is that it's so filling, and the heaviest components are the turkey and the cheese--which aren't so terrible for you. 

The first thing I did, even before leaving for the grocery, was peel and slice my zucchini into as think pieces as possible. My knife skills are a little sub-par, so these slices aren't really even. But they get the job done! Like I said, I definitely should have used more than one zucchini to have more of a pasta-like layer, but I worked with what I had.

After I sliced them, I sprinkled salt on each side of every zucchini slice and let them sit to pull out some of the extra moisture. Nobody likes watery lasagna. Just sayin'.

The first thing I did was heat up my "saucepan" (it's just a pot) and drop in some olive oil, minced garlic, and diced onions. I already had the garlic and onions prepared and chillin in my fridge, since I use both of those things frequently enough to just always keep them around. I'd say this was about 1/3 cup of diced onions and 1 clove of garlic. I would probably be a little more generous next time around.

Not pictured: I dropped in some celery last minute because I thought it would be nice.

I drizzled in just a tiny bit more olive oil (like a teaspoon?) and threw the turkey into the pot to brown it up with the onions and garlic on medium high heat. I forgot to season the meat though, so DON'T DO THAT. Salt and pepper goes a long way. After the turkey was all cooked through, I drained some of the excess water.

I dropped the temperature down to medium low and poured in two 8 oz cans of tomato sauce (not jarred sauce! There is a difference!) and about 1 tablespoon of tomato paste. If I were to use jarred sauce (which my mom did), I would just brown the turkey and pour the sauce over it. But I didn't have jarred sauce and these cans of tomato sauce have been sitting on the shelf for like six months. So I got it done.

At this point I went to taste the sauce and realized that I didn't season the turkey, so I just attacked the whole thing with salt and pepper. After that was all sorted out, I threw in about a tablespoon's worth of dried oregano.

I've declared my love for fresh basil on this blog before, and I still stand firm on that statement. I love basil. I chopped some up and threw it in the sauce, and took the sauce off the heat.

I also added some parmesan cheese because my mom told me to. This was about 1/4 cup. I mixed it all together and you know what? I probably could have stopped here and just poured it over some pasta. BUT THIS IS LASAGNA. So I carried on.

I sautéed a bunch of spinach with some garlic, and I used a little bit of olive oil to get the job done. I only made enough spinach for one layer, though, because I forgot about how much spinach cooks down and I actually needed to leave some fresh spinach for like...the rest of the meals I'm eating this week. Go figure. THEN I STARTED TO ASSEMBLE THE LASAGNA!!!

I only had one zucchini, so I used a smaller square pan. I think this is 9x9? Whatever. First step is to put some sauce down on the bottom!

The next step is to lay down some zucchini slices, or in my case, desperately stretch the amount of zucchini you have to cover one layer. 

Of course, I patted the slices dry with paper towels because they were very wet at this point. Salt, man. It does the trick.

I've never actually made lasagna before, but my mom told me to put the ricotta down before the spinach?? I just did what she told me. I was skeptical about using fat free ricotta, but the final product actually wound up being pretty similar to regular ricotta so 100% would use again.

I laid down my one single layer of spinach down on top of the ricotta, and despite using almost an entire container's worth of spinach, I only had this dinky little sprinkling of spinach to show for it. Pathetic.

And then I started the whole thing all over again! Sauce, zucchini, ricotta, NO spinach because I ran out, and then one last layer of sauce. Mmm. Lasagna's are just like ogres. They have layers.

I used about 1 1/2 cups of mozzarella cheese to top off the lasagna, but you could definitely afford to use more. I was just trying to be portion-conscious, since I originally intended for this to be four servings. It wound up being six.

I popped the lasagna in a 350 degree oven for forty five minutes, and O M G when I pulled it out of the oven, this is was the beauty I beheld:

Cheesy, tomato-y, and SO SO SO delicious. It did wind up being a little watery, but a little water never hurt anybody! There's so much going on in this lasagna, that you don't really miss the pasta. The zucchini has such a lovely and neutral flavor and texture, so it acts to bulk up the dish and let the sauce and cheese be the stars. And boy were they stars. SHOW STOPPERS.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Here's the recipe:

Zucchini Lasagna

Ingredients:

-Zucchini (probably 2)

-1 lb of ground turkey

-1/2 onion, diced

-2 cloves of garlic, diced

-2 8 oz cans of tomato sauce

-1 tbsp of tomato paste

-2 cups of part skim mozzarella cheese

-1 15 oz container of fat free ricotta cheese

-About 3 cup of fresh spinach

-Salt & Pepper

-1 tbsp of dried oregano

-1 tbsp of fresh basil

-3 tbsp of olive oil

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

1.) Peel and slice the zucchini into thin strips, and place those strips on a tray in a single layer. Sprinkle with salt and flip to sprinkle the other side with salt. Let sit while you prepare the other layers.

2.) In a saucepan (or pot) on medium heat, sauté the onions and half of the garlic in about 1 tbsp of olive oil until the onions begin to look translucent.

3.) Add about 1 tsp of olive oil to the pan, and brown the turkey with the onions and garlic on medium high heat. Season the turkey with salt and pepper.

4.) Once the turkey is cooked through, add the cans of tomato sauce and the tomato paste and reduce heat to medium low. Stir occasionally until the sauce begins to thicken.

5.) Off the heat, add the oregano, basil, and parmesan cheese. Set aside for layering.

6.) Sauté the spinach with the remaining garlic and olive oil until the spinach has cooked down. Set aside, and begin layering.

7.) Layer the lasagna: Start with a layer of sauce on the bottom of a 9 x 9 inch pan. Cover with a layer of zucchini slices. Spread half of the ricotta cheese on top of the zucchini slices. Evenly layer the spinach on top of the ricotta. Repeat the process with another layer of sauce, zucchini slices, and ricotta. The final layer should be sauce covered with the mozzarella cheese.

8.) Place the lasagna in a 350 degree oven and cook for 45 minutes, or until the cheese is melted and starting to look brown around the edges.

9.) Enjoy! Serves 6.

Health and Fitness Goal Update

So after my post on Monday, I received a ton of supportive comments on Facebook and in person and via text message:

I always feel really nervous when I share these posts that people are going to judge me or think I'm lame or too cheesy or something like that. But honestly...it's super motivating to see comments like these. It definitely gives me an extra boost of accountability.

ANYWAYS

At the end of July, I set some health and fitness goals for myself through the end of September. I wanted to do a little update and share my progress:

1.) Eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables every day.

Long term: By the end of September and onwards, I should be getting at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day more than half of which are vegetables
I am currently eating five servings of fruits and vegetables daily (as of last week...), even though most of those servings are of fruit. I'm halfway there...pacing myself.

2.) Work on eating six times a day, with three main meal times and three healthy snacks.

Long term: By the end of September I should be eating three meals a day each consisting of 1-2 servings of vegetables, lean protein, and a complex carbohydrate while also eating three snacks between meals consisting mainly of protein dense foods or fruits/veggies.

This one is kind of rough. My large meals vary in content, and I eat a lot of bread to satisfy the carb component of my meal. Right now, my nutritionist is having me focus on staying within a certain calorie limit rather than fixating on bread vs. whole grains or fruits vs. veggies and all that good stuff. But I have been trying to keep my snacks within the limit I set. So this one is a work in progress

3.) Drink lots of water.

Long term: By the end of the third week of August I should be drinking at least eight 8 oz glasses of water a day, limiting myself to no more than one non-water beverage (coffee or tea) and eliminating all soft drinks or juices.

I actually haven't been keeping track of my water intake...but it's been higher lately because my schedule is more structured. I'm way past the due date for this one...but I have been limiting myself to one or less non-water beverage every day. Maybe I will make a water checklist...

4.) Get into the habit of meal planning.

Long term: By the end of September, have time set aside every Friday morning to plan out meals and snacks for each day of the upcoming week and writing up a grocery list for the weekend.

I actually did a bit of meal planning at the end of August, but found myself not following it. What really works for me right now is coming up with options for the week that have the same ingredients, and buying those ingredients so I have a variety of things to eat. But I do need to keep planning ahead, so I'm going to stick with this goal for now.

5.) Cut back on eating out.

Long term: By the end of September, cut down the number of times eating out to twice a week, including both fast food or eat-in restaurants.  Wawa is not an exception.  Neither is Saxbys.

This goal was actually reached out of necessity. For like the past two weeks I have been a little bit broke. So going out to eat wasn't really an option. I think I went out like an average of three times a week over the past two weeks, so we're getting there. It's already Wednesday and I haven't gone out to eat yet..although I am meeting Maggie for dinner tomorrow at Peace a Pizza. So I'm still down to one this week! Hopefully I will keep it up...my wallet depends on it!!


6.) Get used to counting calories.

Long Term: By the end of September, be tracking the calories consumed each day as well as physical activity done.

It's been a week since I started counting calories! It's been working really well for me, as a way to both keep track of what I'm eating as well as how much of my daily intake each of those things represents. I had originally done a servings checklist, which I still think is a great tool...but this is working for me so far! I don't use any specific app, I've just been writing stuff down on a page in notepad because it is more convenient to me.

I also skipped tracking on Friday and Saturday, but it's okay!! I'm working on it!!

7.) Work out more often.
Since I'm actually more available to work out during the summer, my long term goal is to be going to the gym or using a workout DVD at least four times a week by the end of September, and tohave time scheduled out for working out.  I also need to find an accountabilibuddy by the middle (15th) of September.

The new gym on campus opened this semester, and it's BEAUTIFUL. I went twice last week, and I've already been there twice this week--I took a Zumba class yesterday and used the machines today. And I've already made plans for Zumba tomorrow night as well. As far as accountabilibuddies go, I've been finding it really effective to find someone who will either go with me to the gym or tell me that they will meet me there. Because if they bail, it's usually at the last minute and then I'm already at the gym so I might as well work out. So far, just knowing that someone might be there to hold me accountable has been enough to get me there. Let's hope it stays that way!


I'll probably do another check in with new goals after September is over. There are some challenges that this month will bring, and I'm a little bit nervous but also pretty confident in myself. I've tried and tried for so long that I'm almost sick of trying, and the only option left is to just get it done. So I'm gonna get it done.

The F Word

Last week I got back in the saddle, and I emailed my nutritionist at school to let her know that I would like to schedule an appointment.

At the end of Spring semester of 2012, I decided to take advantage of the student health center on campus and see the nutritionist on campus. There were only about three weeks left in the semester, but I figured better late than never. I made a lot of progress with her...I lost about eight pounds in three weeks, which is pretty impressive all things considered. I was in a time crunch to fit into my maid of honor dress for my sister's wedding, and I just barely made it (if you count getting the dress let out as far as it could go as "barely making it"). I spent the last half of summer eating my way through Europe and basically ignoring all the basic principles of a balanced diet.

I started last fall ready to begin anew with a clean slate, which was fine. I went back to the nutritionist and confessed my sins, and we moved on to make a lot of progress. I saw her for the whole semester, and felt really good about my eating habits and overall health. The only problem was, winter session was coming up, which meant almost two months without student health benefits. PLUS it was holiday season. PLUS PLUS my nutritionist was about to go on maternity leave for the entire spring semester. So I went into the holidays not really knowing how to handle things and completely derailed all of my progress. When winter session came along, I had fallen off of the wagon so hard that I wasn't even walking alongside the wagon. I fell off the wagon in the middle of the desert and started drawing pictures in the dirt and making friends with all the desert creatures. And since then I have been half-heartedly attempting to pick myself up off of the dirty desert floor.

I thought this time around I was too far gone, that I would be forever fat. And you know what...that's fine. I respect people that can do that, and feel totally comfortable in their skins being that way. I'm not even being facetious. I wish I didn't care so much about this health and fitness stuff. There are plenty of people in this world whose physical sizes are secondary to the size of their talent and character, so why can't I be one of them??

I already know the answer to that question. I have been taught ever since the time I was a chubby little toddler, that fat is failure. In my family, being overweight, and struggling with health and fitness has always been seen as a result of laziness and no motivation. I was so terrified to email my nutritionist and let her know that I was coming back because I fucked up. I didn't want her to be disappointed, and frankly I was a little embarrassed. Embarrassed of my failure.

When I finally built up the courage to email her, I almost cried tears of relief when I saw her response:

It's really easy to get stuck in your own head, and to project your own insecurities onto your expectations of others. No one is judging me harder than I am judging myself, and it had been a really long time since I'd acknowledged that.

One of the first things my nutritionist said to me at my appointment was that she was proud that I hadn't given up. And I'm definitely proud of myself for not giving up. I've been kind of faking my way through these health and fitness goals that I set last month, and honestly my heart wasn't in it. I wasn't committing to eating well and working out, and I definitely wasn't holding myself accountable. There are a couple of things that I needed to be reminded:

1.) Losing weight is really hard. No really...it is. There are shortcuts, but those aren't sustainable, and to develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle takes a lot of patience.

2.) The all-or-nothing approach doesn't work. At the beginning of this year, I stated that one of my goals was to find some balance in my life. Deciding to be super productive one day and then spend then next day lying on the couch watching Netflix for sixteen hours straight is not really ideal compared to spending every day being productive with time for leisurely activities. Same goes for food...I can't decide that OH I had a doughnut for breakfast, so now I'm going to spend the rest of the day eating shit. Life doesn't work that way.

3.) Eating shouldn't be mindless, and neither should anything else you do. I've always been really annoyed that losing weight required me to be obsessed with the food I eat...because how was that any different from being obsessed with unhealthy food? The only problem is, when I am not focusing on what to eat every day, then I'm just putting garbage into my body. What I've learned over the years is that it's not obsession, it's mindfulness. I'm mindful of all of the things I say and do when important schoolwork and friendships are involved, so why wouldn't I be mindful of my health and fitness? My body is just as important as the rest of myself.

I'm not a failure. And I'm not a lost cause. I'm just a work in progress.

Look out for an upcoming entry about checking in with my health and fitness goals from last month!

Blog Every Day in July: Day 24, Health and Fitness Goals

As promised, I am going to take the time and spell out my short and long term health and fitness goals.  When I was an RA, we had to do this training module about setting SMART goals.  SMART stood for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely.  Basically it means that in order to have successful goals, you have to make sure they are specific, realistic, and that you have a timeline for completing them.  This is maybe one of the only modules that stuck with me after being an RA, and I still use this model of goal-setting when I set my personal goals.  This time is no different.  So here they are, health and fitness goals for my fall semester of my senior year of college.

1.) Eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables every day.
Short term: Since I currently only get 2-3 servings a day at this point, I am going to say that by the end of July I should be getting at least four servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
Extension: By the middle of August (the 25th) I should be getting at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day.
Long term: By the end of September and onwards, I should be getting at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day more than half of which are vegetables

2.) Work on eating six times a day, with three main meal times and three healthy snacks.
Short term: By the end of the first week of August I should be eating three meals a day with three snacks, and incorporating carbs mainly during meal times and having either protein dense snacks or fruits/veggies as snacks.
Extension: By the end of August I should be eating three meals a day each consisting of 1-2 servings of vegetables, protein, and a carbohydrate while also eating three snacks between meals consisting mainly of protein dense foods or fruits/veggies.
Long term: By the end of September I should be eating three meals a day each consisting of 1-2 servings of vegetables, lean protein, and a complex carbohydrate while also eating three snacks between meals consisting mainly of protein dense foods or fruits/veggies.

3.) Drink lots of water.
Short term: By the end of the first week of August I should be drinking at least six 8 oz glasses of water a day, accompanied by no more than two 8 oz beverages that are not water (coffee or tea).
Long term: By the end of the third week of August I should be drinking at least eight 8 oz glasses of water a day, limiting myself to no more than one non-water beverage (coffee or tea) and eliminating all soft drinks or juices.

4.) Get into the habit of meal planning.
Short term: By the end of August, have a list ready by every Friday night for grocery shopping, including meal foods and snacks for the upcoming week.
Long term: By the end of September, have time set aside every Friday morning to plan out meals and snacks for each day of the upcoming week and writing up a grocery list for the weekend.

5.) Cut back on eating out.
Short term: By the middle of August, cut down the number of times eating out to four times a week (WHICH IS STILL A LOT) and make sure that three out of those four times, health-conscious choices were made (meaning choose grilled over fried, vegetables over starch, and water over soft drinks).
Long term: By the end of September, cut down the number of times eating out to twice a week, including both fast food or eat-in restaurants.  Wawa is not an exception.  Neither is Saxbys.

6.) Get used to counting calories.
Short term: By the end of August, be tracking the number of servings of each food group (fruits/veggies, protein, carbs, dairy, etc.) eaten daily.
Long Term: By the end of September, be tracking the calories consumed each day as well as physical activity done.

7.) Work out more often.
Since I'm actually more available to work out during the summer, my long term goal is to be going to the gym or using a workout DVD at least four times a week by the end of September, and to have time scheduled out for working out.  I also need to find an accountabilibuddy by the middle (15th) of September.


I think this covers the basics.  A lot of the short term goals with extensions are habits that I would like to start forming before the semester begins.  I still haven't stepped on a scale out of fear, but I'm going to set a date for myself to step on the scale.  August 1st is when tracking my progress will begin.  Wish me luck!

Blog Every Day in July: Day 10, Sun-dried Tomato, Feta, and Chicken Couscous Salad

Today I made one of my favorite couscous recipes for lunch.

I brought it to work in a lil tupperware. So cute!

I put this recipe together once during last fall semester, when I had bought some feta and sun-dried tomatoes without planning something to make with them.  I just really like feta cheese and sun-dried tomatoes.  I threw them together with some couscous, and then decided to add the chicken in because I was tired of eating plain chicken breast, and voila!  A delicious couscous salad.

Here is a neat and tidy collage of all the main ingredients in this salad.  There is nothing neat and tidy about my kitchen setup when I cook.  Ooops.  I used the couscous that said Whole Grain on the box because it makes me feel healthy.  The sun dried tomatoes were the only jar that I could find in my entire grocery store, which was RIDICULOUS, and the feta cheese I bought was already in crumbles because cutting a big block of feta is TOO MUCH DRAMA.  I used two chicken tenders in stead of one chicken breast, because it's what was in my freezer.

The first thing I did was cook the chicken.  I just used a nonstick pan with some cooking spray, because I didn't want it to be too greasy.  I seasoned the chicken with salt and pepper while it was cooking, but then after it was mostly cooked through I threw in a splash of balsamic vinegar (for a mediterranean flavor) and let the chicken finish cooking while that reduced.  The balsamic vinegar doesn't impact the taste of this salad too heavily, so if you skipped it you probably wouldn't miss it.

It's all fluffed up with fork.  Mmmmm.

While the chicken cooled, I made the couscous according to the directions on the box.  Riveting stuff, I know.  I made two servings worth of couscous, so I would have enough for lunch today and tomorrow, but you could just make this for one day and halve all the rest of the ingredients.

Tomatoes, feta, chicken, oh my!

While the couscous was cooking, I went ahead and chopped up all the other ingredients of the salad.  I also chopped up the feta a bit more just to get some consistent pieces.  After that I threw it all in a bowl (which was not big enough)...

and I sprinkled in some dried basil!  I would have loved to use some fresh basil (which we did not have), or maybe throw in some oregano, but all I could reach in the spice cabinet was the basil.  I ain't no Barefoot Contessa, but this stuff will do just fine.  Mix it all together....

And there you have it!  A nice couscous salad.    I've never eaten this particular dish cold, so I had to try it.

Hmmm...not enough evidence tasted to form a conclusion...

Yup.  It's good cold.

I think if I was better prepared, I would throw in some fresh herbs or make a simple dressing.  But this is delicious as is!  When eaten warm, the feta starts to soften ever so slightly and the heat offsets the tanginess of the tomatoes.  When eaten cold, all the flavors have time to get together and become best friends.  SO GOOD.  Enjoy!

Recipe is after the jump.

Zippers

HELLO BLOG WORLD.  Ohhh how I have missed you so.  Today I'm going to be serious, I hope that's okay with everyone.

So back in February, I started watching this British TV show called "My Mad Fat Diary", which is a 6 episode series about a 16 year old girl who struggles with mental illness and a binge-eating disorder.  It's been two months and I still can't get over how good this series is.  I know it's silly to say that a TV show has been such an important thing in my life…but I've spent a lot of time reflecting on the subject matter of the show.

When I was fifteen, I joined weight watchers because my mom and doctor insisted on it.  I'm pretty sure that joining weight watchers was the sole cause of any teenage "angst" I had.

(I didn't have teenage angst.  Ask anyone who knew me in high school.  I probably could have afforded more angst and less sugar.)

Anyways, the point is…I've had a complicated relationship with weight loss.  I've been on and off of diets for six years and I've seen ugly numbers on the scale, and numbers that I thought were ugly at the time but probably should have appreciated more.  I've been to a dietician, to a support group, on online forums.  At this point I've failed more times than I have succeeded, and yet I'm still clinging onto the hope that one day something will finally click and I'll just get it done.  Kind of like the way I clung onto the hope that my ex boyfriend and I would get back together before he came out of the closet BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY.  

The difference, though, between clinging onto a relationship with a person and clinging onto a relationship with dieting, is that most people will tell you that clinging onto the person is unhealthy, while the whole world will keep encouraging you to lose weight.  And I could go off in some kind of rant on society's expectations about the way women should look and blah blah blah.  But the bottom line is--yeah.  I need to lose weight.  A month from now I will still have to lose weight.  A year from now I will probably still be struggling.  Because I'm not healthy, and being healthy is an actual important thing that people need to do. 

And when I say I'm not healthy, I mean both in reference to my weight and in reference to my lifestyle.  I eat pizza WAY more often than any person should eat pizza.  I spend a large portion of my day snacking on foods that are most definitely not snack foods.  I avoid exercise at all costs--I take the elevator up a single floor and I drive to places that are only a few blocks away.  These are things I am insecure about, but they are habits that I just can't seem to shake.  I get embarrassed about them, and I get even more embarrassed when people point them out (usually with the best of intentions).  And my insecurity just seems to fuel the unhealthy habits--because while they are my struggle, they also bring me comfort….and that is the hardest part about weight loss and body image.  I have an addiction that can't be cured by quitting.  I need to eat to live.  It's not as simple as cutting out carbs and eating more vegetables.  Food and fitness are only half the battle--the other half is all in my head.

That's the thing, though.  I'm really proud of the person I'm becoming.  There's a lot of things about myself that I like.  I'm a good cook, I'm funny and energetic, I've always been pretty ambitious which has led to a lot of success (and some failures, but I always learn from them), I'm pretty intelligent (…well, I think so), and I've managed to surround myself with people that lift me up instead of bringing me down.  I'm not an out of control party-girl at school, I've never done drugs, and I get good grades.  I always put family first, and I try pretty hard to respect my parents.  I think that as far as daughters go, my parents could have done much worse.  Which is why it kills me that I still get grief from them about my weight, and that I still feel like I have to fight to prove my personality to people who may be judging me based on the way I look. 

This scene from MMFD is so perfect, because it quite vividly and quite accurately illustrates everything I've ever felt about myself.  I wish I could unzip this outer layer of fat and insecurity and all that other bullshit, so that people would just move on and see all the things on the inside that make me a beautiful person.  I wish it was that easy, and that I didn't have to spend months trying to "discipline" myself to a thinner me. 

But we don't come with zippers.  I know that getting healthy is just another journey I have to take in order to reach whatever destination I am headed for.  It might take forever, and I might spend some time getting even more lost than I already am.  In the meantime, I'm learning how to really like myself despite all of the things that need work.  And I think, so far, I've been pretty successful.

If you have a chance, definitely check out My Mad Fat Diary.  Just look it up on the YouTubes.  It's only six episodes long, an hour each episode, and it really beautifully handles all of the topics discussed.  Also I've got a BIG FAT CRUSH on the main love interest but we're gonna skip that conversation because everyone I know is already SICK OF IT.

Cauliflower Nuggets aka IHOP Redemption

So yesterday morning I set my alarm for 8 AM with the intention of going to the gym or like...popping in a workout DVD or SOMETHING. Instead I rolled over and went back to bed until 9 and then spent an hour on tumblr. And then I saw a GIF of a cat eating pancakes so my roommate and I went to IHOP.

And then I ate cookies for lunch.

Needless to say, my New Years Resolutions are off to a somewhat rocky start.


Despite not having done anything AT ALL yesterday, I managed to sneak in a 30 minute nap while watching Maury. At that point I decided to snap out of my rainy day funk and actually do something productive!


Something that I've learned in the past few years is that there is no time like the present. Sometimes too little is too late, but it's always better than nothing at all. And that is how I spent the last half of yesterday.

If you could ignore the electric mixer and the crappy
homemade candles (that post is coming up soon) in the
background, that would be much appreciated.

I managed to fit five full servings of fruits and vegetables into my dinner. If that's not overcompensation then I don't know WHAT is. My dinner consisted of a slice of papaya (really, it's like a whole quarter of a papaya...whatevaaa), a green smoothie (an apple, a banana, a handful of spinach, greek yogurt, a splash of milk, and a bit of honey all smoothie'd up...it looks pretty nasty but it's really freakin' delicious), and CAULIFLOWER NUGGETS!!

Breading vegetables is surprisingly drama free
in comparison to breading chicken breast

I've been meaning to jump on the cauliflower train for like months. I really like the way cauliflower tastes as a vegetable, so even though I was skeptical of the claims that you can use cauliflower to make pretend chicken nuggets, I figured I might as well try it out. Even if they don't taste like chicken, at the very least they will taste like cauliflower...which I like.

So I hit up pinterest, which led me to this recipe, which I modified a little bit for convenience. I just used seasoned whole wheat breadcrumbs instead of panko, because it's what I had on hand. Also the egg whites I was supposed to dredge the nuggets in wound up being an egg white and a whole egg because of my butter fingers. Whoooops.

But they turned out beautifully!

(this is literally the exact same photo from above,
only I instagrammed it.  wow melanie.  wow.)

I'm gonna go ahead and say that they didn't taste like chicken...but they didn't taste like cauliflower either!  The texture was totally different from the steamed cauliflower that I normally eat.  It was much softer and a little bit...fluffy?  I think the cauliflower itself creates a nugget-like texture.  In terms of flavor, the seasoned breading in combination with the sauce were the main events in this dish.  It was pretty nomable.  I will definitely do this again some time.

And actually, I think I probably got more than 5 servings of fruits and vegetables...I used an entire half-head of cauliflower for the nuggets, and that slice of papaya was pretty generous.  I don't think that this meal necessarily made up for the giant meal I had at IHOP, but I think it was a step in the right direction.  In the past, when I let my day start off on the wrong foot I would let myself get stuck in that mindset.  As of lately, I've been trying to treat each moment like it belongs to itself.  Which is to say that I don't let the bad decisions of the morning give me an excuse to make bad decisions at night.  It seems simple...but this is a big deal for me.  I never used to think that way.  And I still don't think that way 100% of the time...but I'm getting there!

In the meantime, I'm going to do some more cauliflower experimentation...maybe give this recipe a shot!