September in October: Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Last month I wrote some posts about my health and fitness goals and my struggles with losing weight, and it has been about a month and a half since I've checked in with those. I've had a really good month and a half on the bandwagon, and I've been working really hard to stay on it!

I've lost 12 pounds in the past 7 weeks, which I'm really proud of! I haven't had any weeks where I've gained a pound or two yet, and I think that I might have set a record for myself. In the past, I would take two steps forward and one step backward and the progress would be made, but at snails pace. And if I'm being honest with myself, it's because I wasn't really committing to the idea of being healthy. I mean, I wouldn't say that I'm like Miss Health and Fitness right now or anything, but I'm starting to feel like I'm less of a lump than I was in the past. I actually pay attention to the amount of food that I'm putting in my body, and I'm making a conscious effort to be more active in everyday life. For me, the choices I was making were the things that needed the most repair.

So what makes this time any different from all those other times I've tried and failed? Why do I feel so strongly that I will finally get it right this time?? I think that this time around I'm actually being honest. Not just with my nutritionist, but with myself. I started this journey out under my mom's control. She was the one tracking all of my calories, and restricting my diet, and telling me what I could or could not eat. So I would sneak extra snacks and meals, and I would justify it by saying that I was sick of my mom controlling me. When college came around, I had to be the one responsible for tracking and meal planning, but I hadn't given up the old mindset. So essentially, I was cheating on my diet and lying to myself.

This time around, I'm being honest. I'm tracking everything even when I have a bad day, and I'm using that tool as an opportunity for reflection. The "all or nothing" mindset that came with stuffing my face before my mom came home is slowly going away, and I'm starting to pace myself and plan ahead so that I get to have everything I want without going overboard. And I think it's starting to show! I'm not really worried about losing weight rapidly, or meeting a certain deadline. Right now I'm just focusing on what I can do week to week, how I can reach my goals realistically, and how I can maintain this for life. Because like my nutritionist said, this isn't a diet. This is my health, and the way that I am going to sustain my lifestyle in the long term. There will be good days and bad days, and sometimes the scale won't give me numbers that I want. But ultimately I'm learning how to live with food without going crazy, and that's one of the most valuable things I've gained in the past month and a half and will continue to foster.