Juggling

I pack my schedule pretty tightly these days. Today looked like this:

5:30-8 AM: Wake up, get ready for the day, head to class.

8 AM-12 PM: Class

12-12:30 PM: Quick break for snack

12:30-1:45 PM: Class

1:45-3:10 PM: Make/eat lunch and take a breather before leaving for class

3:10-4:45 PM: Class (with time for walking over)

4:45-5 PM: Quick quick break

5-6:30 PM: Chorale officers meeting

6:30-6:45 PM: Gather things and head to main street

6:45-7:45 PM: Dinner with Maggie

7:45-9 PM: Zumba

Tuesdays and Thursdays are pretty devoid of free time for me, and it's days like these that make me feel really overwhelmed with the load I've taken on. I'm taking a full coarse-load this semester with a practicum placement, preparing for my senior recital, President of our student chapter of ACDA, secretary of Chorale, committee chair of SAI, AND I'm also trying to incorporate health and fitness into the mix. I feel like I'm constantly juggling a thousand things, and when I sit back and realize that I've only had like a couple of hours (or less) when I was occupied with an activity, it makes me wonder what I'm neglecting to make the rest of these things work.

For me, it has always been keeping in touch with people. One of the reasons I loved being home this summer was that I didn't have any responsibilities to keep up with, and I could just drop whatever I was doing (...which was nothing) to hang out with my sister, or Sarah, or my other friends. It was awesome and it reminded me just how much I love all those people. But since I've been back to school, I haven't had any sort of meaningful interaction with any of those people (except for my sister--probably just because I was at home, within a physical proximity). My friends like to joke that I always fall off the face of the Earth...but they're right. When my ambition makes me bite off more the I can chew, I sacrifice my ability to keep in touch with the world outside of UD.

I definitely feel like I'm taking it a day at a time, trying to remain relaxed and unstressed. The semester is only two weeks in, and I know things are going to eventually get crazy...but I'm already feeling like my days are tightly packed with activities. What else is going to suffer when I start getting more assignments? Will I lose all contact with the outside world? Will my parents forget the sound of my voice? Will I fall off the healthy living wagon again? Will my recital music fall to the wayside?

When I was around 9 years old, we went to Myrtle Beach and I decided to go boogie boarding by myself. I went out a little farther than I should have--especially because I don't know how to swim--and the waves pulled me out too far and under. I remember feeling panicked...but also trying not to panic. I was trying my best to do anything that wouldn't make the situation worse, all the while still gasping for air.

That's a lot how I feel right now with the load I've taken on. I'm doing my best to stay calm and not let the pressure from everything pull me under the water. I'm taking as many breaths as I can, whenever I get the chance. But in this situation, I can't wait for someone to realize that I'm in trouble and pull me out of the deep end. I need to save myself...and I don't know how to do that. I'm trying, and I know that it counts for something. I just hope that my best is enough.