Forward Motion

Listen, I know that at this point in my life it is more likely that I will NOT be posting something than it is that I WILL, but I'm never really willing to give up on the idea of me blogging.

And to be honest, there's like a million things I could be doing with my life instead of writing a blog post. For example: putting away dishes, or putting my shoes in the shoe closet, or throwing away the junk mail all over my couch, or cleaning my bathroom before my family visits this weekend. Basically, I'm a slob and I'm just writing this to avoid the consequences. 

Also I have a quiz and like three lesson plans to write. BUT HERE I AM INSTEAD.

A new school year just started, which means that I've been a little more anxious than usual. Going into my second year of teaching, I feel like I still have a long way to go before I really feel successful. I took on a lot more responsibility this year, and I'm just as ambitious as usual, but somehow I feel like this is the year I'll finally deliver. I'm almost afraid to put that statement out there in writing, like I might jinx it somehow. Either way--I'm really feeling like this is the year I get my shit together. I've been playing grown-up for a year, maybe I'm done faking it and I'm on the path to making it?

And of course, when I think about the past year it's impossible not to think about the fact that I didn't just survive, but I actually enjoyed a good portion of it. Yes, teaching is stressful. And yes, I did get thrown in with little time to prepare. And YES, I definitely didn't know what I was doing the entire time. But I spent the past year learning about myself, and finding out things that I didn't know were true. For example, I always thought that I was the kind of person that needed to use a desk in order to get any real work done. I thought that the only reason I did all of my work on the couch in college was because there was nowhere else to do it. It turns out, I just really love couches. Seriously, I'm sitting on a couch right now as I type this and I am LOVING it. It's those little things that I didn't know about myself until I was on my own.

I think the biggest thing that has surprised me about myself is the fact that I've managed to actively pursue becoming the best version of myself. And yes, that is like a super-cliche. Like, that cliche should be wearing a cape. But I really do have a version of myself that I strive to be--and, you know, she's not perfect. My idealized version of myself is still...me. But she's me doing all of the things I said I wanted to accomplish with my life, and she has good habits I had always wished I had formed (like...daily-routine-habits, not like...drug habits). I find myself making stronger efforts to be that girl--which I always doubted my ability to do.

My friend Maggie (SHOUT OUT IF YOU'RE READING!!) mentioned to me once that there was a period of time in high school we she was just a liiiittle bit worried about me. Because I didn't have my shit together--my words, not hers. My work ethic was nonexistent, and I would shut down under any kind of pressure. She's not wrong about it, and I'm not bitter. Hot-mess-high-school Melanie lives deep down inside me and she is constantly pulling me away from pursuing things that matter, and sometimes she wins. I think she might be winning right now (dishes still dirty, holla!!), but the number of victories she has over Actual-Eventual-Grown-Up Melanie is slowly starting to diminish. 

I'm a work in progress, and I know that the minute I get comfortable with myself and the way things are, everything could change. Maybe in five years I'll love doing work at a desk. Maybe I'll only be able to get work done sitting on the floor. Who knows? What I do know, is that I'm moving forward. This is the first time that I feel like something has clicked in me--something to help me keep going when things get crazy, rather than my usual mode of "THINGS ARE HAPPENING--SHUT IT DOWN". And again, I hope I'm not jinxing myself by putting it in writing. I've got a lot to prove--not just to others, but to myself.

Of course, all of this has come from a place of current-anxiety. My to-do list grows by the minute, and I am counting on myself to keep it together and cross items off the list one-by-one. So that's where I'll begin: one-by-one. Moving forward one item at a time. Starting with dishes.

Coming up (I hope): Adventures in Eating Paleo, Trying And Failing At Spending Less Money, and Wow-I Didn't Know That Sewing Curtains Would Suck So Much.

Chicken and Dumplings for Fall

So I didn’t stick to my promised Sunday post (and Thursday was just not gonna happen, if we’re being honest with ourselves), but I’m here today, and I’m sharing a recipe!

Yesterday and today were essential autumn days. The leaves have just started to change down here, the air is crisp, and the wind has been shuffling leaves all around—exactly how autumn should be. If you couldn’t tell already, I love fall. As much as I complain about how cold it is to the people around me, I secretly love breaking out my scarf collection, curling up under blankets. Most importantly, I love eating hearty stews fresh off of the stove.

I made this recipe for Chicken and Dumplings a few weeks ago because I was REALLY craving it . You’ll notice when you click through to the recipe that it is a recipe for two, because I live alone now and have no roommates to pawn my leftovers off to, but this recipe actually made three servings. It was the perfect amount of leftovers, gone before I had the chance to get sick of it. Since it was chilly today and I am not quite ready to turn my heat on, I decided to make this recipe and rely on the heat of the stew to warm my soul. And stomach.

I altered the recipe ever-so-slightly by throwing in a sprig of fresh thyme while the stew boiled, instead of using dried thyme. I still had leftover thyme from last week’s moscato chicken recipe, and I always go for fresh herbs if I can.

I love the vibrant colors of the carrots and peas against the creamy broth of the stew, and the way that the dumplings look like little clouds. This dish is so warm and hearty, and pushed me deeper into my fall frenzy. The temperature is supposed to stay under 70 degrees this week, which tells me that it is officially autumn. I don’t think this is the last stew you’ll see on my blog this season.

It is a requirement that you eat this on the couch, not at a table. Preferably with a blanket and laptop on your lap. And no coffee table to hold your drink. That's too classy.

Transitions, and Sunday Night Dinner

Note: I know this is a super long post, but if you stick with it til the end you get to look at pictures of food I promise! Or you could skip straight to the food, I don't judge.

*Dusts away the cobwebs that have formed all over this blog*

Hello there! Why yes, it has been a while since my last blog post! What a keen observation!!

Okay, that's done. I'm just going to skip the explanations and just move on because, you know, life is too short, etc. 

The last time I blogged was back in January, and for anyone that happened to follow along I think it was pretty clear that my heart just wasn't in it. This year has been an extremely busy one, full of twists and turns, and although I couldn't predict that I would end up where I am today, I think that back in January I at least knew that changes were on the way and it really freaked me out. Back in January I was experiencing the onset of a lot of uncertainty about my future (immediate and distant). In the past ten months I successfully completed student teaching, graduated college, spent three weeks in France, faced the possibility of a year of unemployment (exaggeration), and then managed to find employment in a location three hours away from where I was expecting it. Sometimes it feels like things changed overnight, like I snapped my fingers and suddenly I was living a different life. It's been an exciting and terrifying adventure, but I sometimes wonder how I wound up here.

Thinking back to January, when my blog posts were half-assed and my anxiety was slowly brewing, I remember feeling as though I was driving downhill through fog. I could see what was right in front of me, and as long as I kept moving the road would reveal itself, but I also had very little control over how fast I was moving. That feeling continued to get worse as the year went on--especially around the time of graduation. Then all of a sudden, it's like the car ran out of gas and I was stranded on a foggy road with no way of moving forward and no way to see what was ahead of me (we're moving on the the part of the metaphor that explains how it feels to be unemployed). I mean, I was applying for teaching jobs, but the scary thing about trying to find a teaching job is that there is a pretty specific window of opportunity, and missing that window could mean no teaching job for a year (which is not entirely true, considering there are a lot of alternatives to being a classroom teacher that many people explore for a year or more before getting a teaching job--but I digress). I had one very weak lead on a long term sub job in North Jersey that I had begun to mentally work out the logistics for (even though I hadn't been hired yet) when an opportunity sort of fell from the sky and into my lap. The sky in this case was my music education professor. After a very speedy interview and hiring process, I had landed myself a full time teaching position for high school choir. In Maryland. Southern Maryland. Three whole hours away from home. 

Okay, I'll admit that in print, three hours does not seem like a far distance. But I can confirm that a three hour drive both ways every other weekend can be mentally draining. 

Anyways, that's how I wound up where I am now. I basically picked up my life (and my bedroom that I spent all of last summer working on--yeah, I wasn't giving that up) and moved it three hours south for a job that I kind of suck at.

Which is not to say that I feel like I've made a mistake, because I don't. It's just been a big adjustment for me, and I sometimes forget that I've only been down here for like two months. Time moves slowly and quickly all at the same time, and each day is full of new challenges and opportunities to grow. To say that I'm transitioning into adulthood would be an understatement. I was expecting to take the scenic route from being a college student to a full fledged adult. Instead, I'm on one of those high speed trains--like the ones in Japan that you always read about in social studied text books--wow I use a lot of transportation metaphors. I've had to learn very quickly how to be independent on a variety of levels, not the least of which is financially. Adulthood is here and there is no way to avoid it, and I think that as I navigate my newfound independence I should take advantage of every adventure and like...blog about it. Is that how you take advantage of an adventure?? By writing about it on the internet??? How very millenial of me. 

Okay, so this post is getting longer and longer by the minute and I just wanted to check in. But I think that I will be posting here at the very least on Sundays, if not like...Wednesdays or Thursdays as well. I'm not committing to Wednesdays or Thursdays, though!! I'm a working girl yo!! Time is money $$$.

Sundays I can do.

Speaking of Sundays, I had originally planned on posting a recipe today instead of giving a heavy update. What actually happened is that I was so hungry while I was making dinner and eager to get food into the oven, that I forgot to take pictures of the process. So here is a picture of the finished dish:

Yesterday I bought a giant bottle of cheap moscato that my friend Steph and I drank while watching Love Actually. However, as always my eyes were too big for my alcohol tolerance and we only finished about half the bottle. Since I don't like to drink during the week, I knew I needed a recipe to help me use up the bottle before it essentially turns to vinegar. I found this recipe for Lemon Rosemary and Moscato Chicken, and seeing that I already had most of the ingredients, knew that I had to try it.

The recipe calls for rosemary, but unfortunately my local Walmart does not happen to carry rosemary. And yes, I do buy my groceries at Walmart, because it's CHEAP and I'm BROKE and also it's like thirty seconds away from my apartment. JUDGE ALL YOU WANT. Anyways, I settled for some thyme. Also I took a very artistic photo of it. I'm an artist.

With some minor adjustments to measurements and a little bit of herb-swapping, I successfully made this chicken dish. I also paired it with some roasted potatoes instead of rice or pasta--mainly because I am SICK of rice and pasta. All I freakin' eat is rice and pasta because I am BROKE. Overall, it was all delicious but everything needed more salt. Mainly because I chickened out on the seasoning, which I usually do with a heavy hand. I don't know what came over me.

I will say that the skin on the chicken was the star of the show. It was nice and crisp, and really well seasoned. I think if I were to make it again, I might marinade the chicken in some lemon juice and garlic for a little while, just to get the rest of the meat caught up with the skin on the seasoning.

I also went ahead and served it with a modest glass of wine, because it is technically still the weekend.

Not pictured: QVC Gourmet Holiday on TV. #sundays

Stay tuned for more blog posts! I swear!!

Blog Every Day in January: What's Ahead

HAPPY LAST DAY OF BLOG EVERY DAY IN JANUARY!!!

Yeah, so this was like probably the most underwhelming daily blogging experience that exists on the internet. I talked about it before, but this past month has just been super blah. Blame it on the cold? I think I started out pretty strong but as the month went on and my anxiety grew, I started feeling less willing to blog about real things. I don't know why that is. I've always wanted to be the kind of person that can share really serious things with people, but when I start actually thinking about those serious things--such as my insecurities and anxieties and even general opinions about the world--I kind of pull back and try to find anything else to talk about. Which is super hard when you're under pressure. Even the things that happened to me on a daily basis were weighing so heavily on my mind--mostly because they were all related to student teaching--and I just couldn't bring myself to talk about them.

I'm trying to think about how I could have made this a more productive experience for myself. I'm proud that I stayed with it til the end, because I could have easily just been like I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT LETS TRY THIS AGAIN SOME TIME. But I guess like I felt like I owed it to myself to finish what I started? This blog isn't something I'm ready to give up on. When I'm really feeling like myself, I find this such a positive outlet to talk about my life. I want to still be able to use this blog as a way to reflect and share, especially over the next couple of months. But I have a tendency to drop blogging when I get busy, which is natural, but not something I want to do.

It's not just blogging, either. I feel like I've been pulling back in all areas of my life, and part of it is because I am freaking out about the future. I'm about to enter my last semester of college, and I won't even be taking classes. I'll be teaching them. I feel so unprepared, and even worse I feel unprepared for the rest of my life. A big part of me wants to drop out and hide under my covers and never do anything in life. Another part of me is afraid that after I graduate, I will actually end up doing nothing--no job, no social life, etc. A year ago I was ready to face these kinds of challenges head on...probably because they were a year away and I was all talk no show.

I know that I'm not the only person who feels this way, and I've seen what happens after college just through watching my sister and some of her friends go through it. There are lots of different things that happen after college, but I do get a say in some of them. Sort of. I'm purposely putting myself in a situation where I have a lot of support from friends and family after graduation. I'm not actually being thrown out into the unknown where I'll be all alone. So then why do I feel so much anxiety?

I'm really big on anticipation. I like to know what's going on in the near future and the far future. As it turns out, my anticipated far future is now my near future, and it has a brief outline but it is nowhere near planned out. Hopefully I'll be able to accept that, and keep it from holding me back. This is not the time for me to hold back--this is the time where I have to break out of my shell and do something that I might not be good at, so that one day I can be good at it.

My plan was to go back to my regularly scheduled Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday blog post. I don't want to take on too much, so I'm not going to hold myself to a schedule that rigid. Two times a week, minimum. I think that's realistic.

Wish me luck.

Blog Every Day in January Day 30: All the Ways to Freak Out

I'm staying in the house alone tonight, and I have to say--I'm freaking out a little bit. It's just me and my dog, and I get really paranoid when its like dark and quiet and there are no other humans around. I have a feeling I'll be sleeping with as many lights on as possible and the TV on a low volume.

Last September when I went to Mt. Gretna with my sister and our friends, we stayed in this awesome cabin which was in a really beautiful area. Somehow I wound up sleeping in this tiny window-less room in the basement right next to the garage, and it was in this small separate hallway that was very quiet. I was so scared that I had to sleep with the door fully open and the hallway light on. I don't know if I even really slept that night, because I was so scared. When my sister came to check on me that night, I let out an actual shriek because I thought she was a murderer. Cabin in the woods? In a tiny room in the basement?? No thanks.

Also, I keep thinking about this stupid scary story that I always tell that is really supposed to be funny, but the more I think about it the more effed up it sounds. Basically this girl is staying at home alone even though her parents were like "ARE YOU SURE?" and she's all "YEAH MAN I GOT A DOG" and throughout the night she wakes up and gets freaked out, and reaches under the bed to feel her dog lick her hand to know she's safe. Only she gets so freaked out that she finally goes to check for something and she finds her dog's severed head with a note that says "PEOPLE CAN LICK TOO" and IT'S STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE TOO REAL. Except I would never let Hickory lick my hand because his mouth is disgusting.

There is no moral of the story here. I'm going to go to bed thinking about serial killers and wake up approximately twenty times tonight. I mean, I'm 21 freaking years old and I've lived in a single dorm room on an empty floor. THAT should have been scary. Our custodian was a creeper. Why is this so much scarier??

I think the worst part is that when I do wake up thinking that there is a serial killer in the house, my instinct will be to go back to bed and hope he kills me while I am asleep. Is that a rational reaction??

And now I'm paranoid that by posting about this someone will see it and be like OOH SOMEONE'S HOME ALONE SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD NIGHT FOR A MURDER. Like, this blog isn't private. THERE ARE SOME REAL CREEPY FREAKS OUT THERE.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY HOUSE, YOU CRAZIES. DON'T COME HERE, MY DOG WILL LICK YOU AND HIS MOUTH IS DISGUSTING.

Blog Every Day in January Day 29: No Vlog Today

So I vlogged all day yesterday, which was a super productive day where I went out in public and had interactions with other human beings. Unfortunately, I did not yet edit those clips together and the more time that passes between yesterday and this moment, the less motivation I have to edit them together. Which is great, because NOW I HAVE NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT.

Which is not true, there is plenty to blog about, like the fact that I'm about to start student teaching and I'm like FREAKING OUT but I'm also really excited, or the fact that I somehow wound up being the sole representative for the University of Delaware at the Eastern Division ACDA conference exhibits, or the fact that I'm still super insecure about Sisters, Not Twins, or the fact that I've been on the struggle bus when it comes to health and fitness.

But I'm not gonna talk about ANY of that stuff, because I'M TIRED BOO HOO.

PEACE OUT.





(no really i am tired i have to wake up at like 5:15 tomorrow morning)

Blog Every Day in January Day 28-Building a Makeup Collection

I posted another video today on Sisters, Not Twins!

Despite the ridiculous diagram I drew on my mirrored closet doors, I'm actually pretty excited about this video because it's something that I've been wanting to do since Melissa and I started talking about having a beauty channel. The execution of this video was maybe not my best...but I think that the actual information I gave was pretty good.

Here is a photo of a paper version of the diagram that I drew:

Keeping in mind the fact that everyone has different needs and not all products are for everyone, here are the products that I suggested for each of these categories (minus Phase 3):

Melanie’s blog post about this video:

Photo of diagram:

Melanie’s product suggestions for each category (click show more):

Foundation:

Drugstore-Revlon Photo Ready Foundation ($10-$13)

High End-MAKE UP FOR EVER Mat Velvet + ($36 at Sephora)

BB Cream/CC Cream/Tinted Moisturizer:

Drugstore-Garnier Skin Renew BB Cream ($10-$12)

High End-Smashbox Camera Ready BB Cream ($39 at Sephora)

Concealer:

Drugstore-L'Oreal True Match Crayon Concealer

High End-Benefit Boi-ing ($32 at Sephora)

Eyeliner (Pencil):

Drugstore: CoverGirl Perfect Point Plus Eyeliner ($3-$6)

High End: Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Pencil ($19 at Sephora)

Eyeliner (Liquid):

Drugstore: L'Oreal Lineur Intense Felt Tip Eyeliner ($8-$10)

High End: TARTE MultiplEYE Lash Enhancing Liquid Liner ($22 at Sephora)

Mascara:

Drugstore: Maybelline Volum' Express The Falsies ($5-$8)

High End: Benefit BADgal Lash Mascara ($19 at Sephora)

Tinted Lip Balm:

Drugstore: Burts Bees Tinted Lip Balm ($5-$7)

High End: Sugar Lip Treatment ($22.50 at Sephora)

Brushes:

Don’t even

Eyeshadow Palette:

Drugstore-e.l.f. Everyday Eyeshadow Set ($10 on Target.com)

High End-The Naked Palette 1, 2, or 3 ($52)

Eye Primer:

Drugstore-L'Oreal Magic De-Crease Eyelid Primer ($8-$10)

High End-Urban Decay Primer Potion ($20 at Sephora)

Bronzer:

Drugstore-e.l.f Studio Bronzer ($3)

High End-NARS Bronzing Powder ($38)

Blush:

Drugstore-e.l.f. Studio Blush ($3)

High End-NARS Blush ($30)

Lip Products:

Drugstore: Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain ($5-$7)

High End: MAC Tinted Lipglass ($15)